From today, I shall stop saying "Hello lips" and "Bye lips". I think it's quite stupid for me. You know that it's stupid. I don't want to be stupid, neither that clever, I just want to be a normal person who has very close friends, on earth, that sticks together. Which I don't have, now I think that people on earth are not like God who is always there for me. Now, I think I only have God as my true friend. It's not that I don't want to have friends. It's just that people do not want to be my true friends. Seems like I don't have a choice about this. I'm really tired about friends that push me around and not really bother of how I feel inside. I think they are just acting of being my friend. It's not that I want to say about them. Just that life has been very bad for me. Teachers, they are fools, tiredness has pulled me down. Sometimes I just feel like committing suicide. But I know if I die, I'll go to hell. And if I don't die, I'll be suffering. Feel like slashing again, but people around me will get hurt. I want to feel the pain on my skin rather than on my heart. Sometimes when I think what people will get/feel if I do this and that, but instead, I get hurt. Some of them will scold me and tell me to go away. Don't they know we're all humans and how I feel? I don't know what to do. All I can think of doing now is go to God and talk to Him.

~ Sometimes I act like I'm okay, but I'm not. I don't want to tell people. But now, I think I have to. I don't want any counseling from school and I have been forced to go. I just want to keep them to myself and become crazy. Which I think am now crazy.  I want to cry, but no, I will hold it inside. I don't want to show my feelings to anyone and everyone.

♥ 9:15 AM